It makes me anxious when I haven’t posted on my blog for a while. Nothing too exciting has happened that the world should know about from my perspective, but all the same it seems like time to sit down and post again. My mood has not been great, but that’s what happens when people with a mental health disorder lose access to treatment, and should have been expected sooner. I’ve heard that gratitude is the anecdote to a negative mindset so I’m very thankful I don’t have something more debilitating going on. My problems are pretty easy to hide, so far, and I’m still able to get through life and have freedom. I am trying to stay positive here.
It was a rainy day but I’m really glad I decided to go to the NY State Fair when it was running. I wore my green “rain jacket”, it’s a lightweight Nike Golf jacket I’ve had since 2012 but only just in the last few weeks realized it’s actually “brat green” (that iconic color for summer 2024) well it was a pleasant realization to my mind. Over the whole day I walked almost 4 miles according to my smart watch, which makes me think it’s well beyond 4 (the watch is not accurate about starting to auto-detect my movements). My shoes were soaked from rain puddles and I searched online to learn how long does it take for “trench foot” to set in (10 to 14 hours but more likely a full day, according to google) so I was reassured my soggy expedition wouldn’t damage me before I got home to dry footwear. I had worn fishnet socks and it felt gross in my wet sneakers, but I think that cotton or wool socks getting soaked might have felt even worse! It was a fun day overall despite the weather.
I ate a few things at the fair, I’m not going to think about that anymore though. Battered and fried foods are delicious! It was such a triggering environment, to see the largest Americans you can imagine with multiple food containers and plates piled on their lap in mobility scooters. Sorry if that is hateful to say, I really hated to see it too. I drank two wine slushes, because they were much smaller than in years prior.
Another highlight of the fair- I went to see the local ballet company preview their upcoming 2024-2025 season! The theater was tiny but cozy and cute. It was bittersweet to see the performances and also reaffirmed my decision to not support them anymore. The dancers held sway over me while I was watching, which really made me think I should RE-reconsider my season tickets (again!) it has been such an agonizing decision for me to quit. They were great. But when the (new!) artistic director spoke about his vision for “more contemporary works” I was broken out of the spell. Sorry but I want to see something that’s old fashioned and methodical, and I will sadly travel to another city to do it instead. There are unionized ballet companies, many of them!. A classical ballet by dancers treated ethically, that is something I hope to go out of my way to see and will certainly share about as soon as possible.
I saw a horse at the fair that was probably 7 feet tall, it was amazing. I bought 2 bundles of wool fibers, and nothing else except food and drinks. I made a few small donations to local organizations that had booths or raffles but it was more of a sensory experience than a shopping trip this year.
As for my knitting life I have just finished a hat (made from hand spun yarn), and will soon cast on a pair of socks (using yarn I bought from a craft store). The wool I bought at the fair I hope to spin into yarn, but I’ll need to research them before I get started. I’m curious about the properties of wool, from a sheep breed I haven’t worked with before. There are so many kinds of wool and they can feel extremely different in softness or stretch.
Work is not something I want to discuss in detail here, but I still have no updates, resolution or continuing guidance about the government audit I’ve been under for most of the year. It doesn’t help my anxiety to recall I am under examination! I feel sick to consider how my actions might look under microscopic detail, if that is even how these things work. I’ve been through it before, without any issue, and try to remind myself I’m doing great and have a lot of support, but there’s always a worry that something is going wrong. I hope the long-threatened USA government shutdown happens, and soon! There is an aspect of my work that becomes less urgent and obvious when the federal government is disrupted, as well as putting my careful review on the back burner.
My daughter and I enjoyed watching Chimp Crazy the last few weeks, it was very interesting. I never watched Tiger King because I had read so many references and angles of discourse on social media, I felt like I had already seen enough of it (but maybe I will check it out all these years later). During the early Covid-19 quarantine time in NY, I was busy watching about 7 seasons of American Horror Story, and got caught up on Westworld instead. I don’t care what any critic or guy from reddit says, I love the new series Rings of Power from Amazon. It is really good, everyone looks incredible, the music is gorgeous and I don’t want to consider any other kind of interpretation! I have watched Furiosa (2024) and Mad Max Fury Road (2015) about three times each since the former was added on the app max, and I’m looking forward to their series The Penguin this weekend.
I’m writing about watching TV now, so it’s probably time for this post to end! The blog world is so different from other more popular kinds of social media, and I’m glad to have this place to write (though I think I could also stand to “say less”).
It’s Friday the 13th, that is kind of exciting! So I hope my readers are well and have a lovely weekend.
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